Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
