I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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