So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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