Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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