season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
