if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You smell like stripper and shame
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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