An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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