i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
