my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
