My balls are so social today.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
