After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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