I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
