Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We have so much sex to catch up on
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
