farters have to be the big spoon...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
