You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
