i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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