i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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