youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
