im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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