Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
