Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
