Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
