Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
