My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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