I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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