bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
