Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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