I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
