The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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