Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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