don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
