I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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