If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
