Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
