I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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