careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
