didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
