i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
