How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
