did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
