my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
