fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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