you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
