Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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