If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
