I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
