dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
