apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish my penis had a tongue
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
