Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
tell me about the fingering
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