O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
