Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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