i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
