Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Mom said you looked used
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
